What To Do If You’ve Been Ghosted

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Being ghosted is the fucking worse. So many people have been ghosted but unsure of what the action is called. When you are ghosted that means that someone left you without a word. Like a ghost, they disappeared. Instead of breaking up with you or being honest, they just disappear without a trace. It’s not just a “man thing” women ghost people too.

For you everything is going great. You’re interested and possibly even love them. Then one day they leave and you never see them again. You had no idea that you wouldn’t see them again. You don’t know you’re even being ghosted until it’s too late. They disappeared. No contact at all. Your left wondering what you did wrong and what you could have done to change the outcome. You text, call, message, and DM just to get them to talk to you. They avoid you like the plague. It hurts like hell.

At first you make excuses for them. You wait patiently. After a few days of radio silence, you get panicky. Then it hits you. You’ve been ghosted. What. The. Fuck. Now you’re angry and want answers.

First, I want you to know it’s going to be okay. They weren’t worth the heartache trust me. Even if their reasons are unclear their message to you was crystal clear. If they really liked/loved you they wouldn’t hurt you in that way. They would have respected you enough to breakup with you in person. Don’t spill tears for someone who made you feel that way.

Feel Your Feelings

Feel your feelings but try not to dwell in the unhappy. This was not your fault. Do you hear me? THEM LEAVING IS NOT YOUR FAULT. That’s on them. Your feelings are real and valid.

There are some sad truths why people get ghosted including:

  • They’re scared of tears and confrontation
  • They don’t know how to have a relationship
  • They had no intention on being with you
  • They weren’t interested
  • They got what they wanted from you

My friends try to help and say how shitty that person is and how I need move on and forget about them. One one hand, yes, they are shitty. Yes, I need to move on. But I don’t have to do it within your timeframe. I will do it when I’m ready. On the other hand, don’t dwell on the sadness for too long. Healing is healthy. But staying in that state of mind won’t do you any good.

I’m going to be honest, the  first couple of weeks is going to suck. There’s going to be a million things that remind of that person. A tv show character is going to remind you of them. Something is going to waft in your nose and it’s going to remind you of how they smelled. Or you see something on Facebook that you want to share with them. You might even see them or a doppelgänger in the street. Resist the urge to call them. They left you and it’s going to be harder to move on if you are still dying to communicate.

Get Off Social Media

Don’t stalk their social media and don’t trust everything you see. There are millions of people posting happy, adventurous, fun pictures. Most of it is fake. You can smile on the outside but be miserable on the inside. You watching them move on from you can feel heartbreaking. Why put yourself through that torture? The best thing for you to do is delete them from your phone, Instagram, Facebook, Twitter, everything. Out of sight, out of mind.

After a few weeks, things will get better. Everything won’t remind you of them. You’ll be able to say their name without the pain attached. You’ll be able to see the signs that they weren’t for you. You’ll realize that it them leaving was a blessing in disguise.

Don’t Talk To Them

One important tip, if they call you, text, or hit you up in anyway, don’t answer. You don’t need them. Honestly, if someone did it to you once, and caused you pain do you not think they wouldn’t do it again? Would you be able to trust them? Relationships are hard but they shouldn’t cause you pain. Don’t set yourself up for heartbreak, they aren’t worth it.

Lessons Learned

Focus on you. Try not to think about them in a negative way. Think of them as a lesson learned. They helped you learn about the things you want and don’t want in your next relationship. You are worth being loved, worshipped, and adored. Don’t let your negative thoughts tell you any different. Just because it didn’t work out with this one doesn’t mean it won’t work out with the next.

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